Separation pain, lovesickness, loneliness: 15 tips to escape single isolation

Separation pain, lovesickness, loneliness: 15 tips to escape single isolation

If you've never spent a week alone at home, without any opportunity to meet friends, or at least to listen, perhaps heartbroken because your partner is gone or even deceased, you can hardly imagine how painful and hopeless heartbreak and loneliness can feel. It's like being an astronaut forgotten on a distant planet. Retired with enough oxygen for a few years, but without any possibility of regaining meaning and joy in life. This is the pain of separation: society exists only as a dark memory of all the socializing and encounters that once took place on planet earth when you were young, when you were not yet alone.

What may sound a bit exaggerated here is the reality for thousands of people affected by the death of a partner, or after a relationship of many years no longer find a connection and do not know how they can (especially in times of corona) start a new beginning. Our trust's experts on partnership and dating topics have taken a closer look at these issues and combined psychological knowledge with years of experience to gather valuable tips and information.

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No one can end the pain and the lonely weeks, months or even years, but you yourself. As hard as it is, life is too short not to work at it every day anew. No one can take that away from you, and every case is too individual to throw around smart advice across the board. But with these tried and tested tips from experts, it is at least possible to fight your way out of heartache, loneliness and isolation as a single person and back to the surface of everyday social life.

Separation pain and loneliness: how to make a new start?

It sounds macabre, but even the pain of separation has – like every human emotion – a useful psychological function: if we recognize this, we can cope with the separation phase strengthened and with new courage to face life. But also people can break down and suffer from permanent loneliness. Yes, it's no consolation in the midst of the deepest grief, but it's still helpful because pity doesn't make it possible to start again.

Only when we feel pain, we can leave the past behind us. Finally, the human being is forced to turn away from that which causes the pain. Or who would hold his palm permanently over a candle flame, even if the romantic glow reminds us warmly of love hours? The pain leads to the fact that we are forced to turn away from the past sooner or later, even if the new beginning seems to be so difficult. These tips will help you make sense of the pain of separation.

Acceptance – a new beginning after separation

As sad as the breakup is, there is usually no going back. Letting go completely and finally giving up hope is certainly difficult for many people. But only when the separation has been accepted, it can be overcome. The best way to do this is to make a new start. A new life must be built. And this can be a chance, especially for older people, to focus on the essentials again.

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Honest with yourself and new acquaintances

People who live a self-determined life are usually happier. At the same time you should be open with your wishes and your own feelings. This can help to overcome the pain of separation and to get to know new people again. Even if it is hard to accept at first, you can only overcome a breakup by making new acquaintances. Only in this way can the gap be closed again.

In addition to these valuable effects of separation pain, there are of course also tangible strategies that can really help with a new beginning, even if the first step is still so difficult, or countless things have already been tried without success. It is important to be unprejudiced at first, to try out new things and to become active without expectations. Every little bit of life and variety is better than the crushing emptiness and loneliness in this phase.

Breakup pain: what helps against lovesickness

It is often the things that you have never really considered for yourself that can help you in this terrible, difficult situation. But now of all times, the initial resistance is at a record high: why try something new just then, when you already feel bad, don't want to go out with people, and can only cry by the gallon?? Because you have no choice! The question is not whether to try something new, but how long to wait to do it. Some psychologists also speak in this context of a new discovery of one's own self. It is not a question of being unfaithful to oneself and suddenly becoming someone else entirely. Instead, hardly anyone has ever explored and tested the possibilities of their own personality in the past: it's much more about discovering new sides of oneself. And that is fun! How to get out of this grief and how to overcome lovesickness? The following 10 tips will help you:

  • Allow the pain
    first of all it is important to accept the pain and not to try to cover it up. Now that the initial shock has been overcome, the task is to grab hold of one's own head and pull oneself out of the hole.
  • Shun former partner
    after a breakup you should avoid any contact with your ex-partner, even if it may be hard at first. Only if you focus on yourself and overcome the pain, you have a chance to fall in love again.
  • Get rid of all the mementos
    for the time being it is advisable to pack all memories far away. Only after the separation has been fully processed, you can start thinking about which memories you want to hold on to.
  • Do something good for yourself
    especially in the post-separation phase, it is important to take care of yourself. Consciously do things that are good for you and, for example, pursue hobbies that you have neglected in the past due to your partnership. Anything that makes you feel positive is a priority at this time.
  • Increase your self-esteem
    after the separation you often look for the mistakes in yourself. Therefore, you should consciously do things that increase your sense of self-worth. It doesn't matter whether you learn a new language or set yourself new sporting goals. The main thing is that they realize in the end: there is still a life without the ex-partner.
  • Create opportunities for distraction
    even if you would prefer to bury yourself under the covers, distraction can help. Regular sports, a change of scenery, or activities with loved ones: when you are distracted, your mind can temporarily block out the pain of separation and recover.
  • Spend time with people who are good for you
    especially the good friends or the family do good in such a phase. Spend time with the people who make you feel positive. It is best to familiarize the person with your situation beforehand, so that they also show understanding.
  • Accept help
    a separation is not pleasant for anyone. You are confronted with a lot of new tasks, may have to look for a new home or take care of the children. So get help. Accepting support from friends and family may take some effort, but it will definitely make the process easier.
  • Friendship takes time
    in very few cases does a friendship after separation work out?. Mostly there is no platonic friendship behind it, but the secret hope to get back together again. This should be carefully considered and the subject put aside for the time being. Only when all the wounds are healed and the heartbreak is over, can you try to build a friendly relationship.
  • Look for like-minded people and exchange experiences
    talk to friends or acquaintances who have already had similar experiences or are even in such a situation. Alternatively, there are also some online forums that deal with the topic.

Even if it seems very foolish to hole up at home, one should now actively plunge into life. At least a little consolation: it can't get any worse. What some still laugh at or leave to the youth can now work wonders:

Single chat and online dating: new start light

Even if it has not been an option for many people, without justification, the easiest way to make a new start is often for older people to use the latest technology. Online dating and a single chat are ways to talk to new people, get to know people, often people who are in a very similar situation to yourself, all from the comfort of your own home. With these tips you can find your partner on the singles board.

  • The chat
    writing together not only makes rough spab, but helps them to get to know each other better. However, do not wait too long for the first meeting together. This is the only way to find out if you have found the right partner.
  • Stand out
    a boring "hello, how are you??" Has not yet lured anyone out of the reserve. Look at the profile beforehand and find a common topic to talk about. In this way, it will become clear that you have taken a closer look at the other person's profile and get to know him or her.
  • Do not pretend
    don't pretend to be someone else in your profile and never lie in your profile. If you are true to yourself, the other person will surely recognize your special characteristics. If you pretend and look in your profile, sooner or later it will be discovered anyway.
  • Take the initiative
    do not wait until you are contacted. As a rule, women do not make the first move. But this is often the wrong strategy. Do not hesitate to make contact if someone has caught your eye. Do not wait too long for the perfect opportunity.

But if you are unsure about how and where to meet singles who are in the golden half of their lives, it is easier than ever to find the right person for you.

As many singles in their prime as there are, as much as one longs for a new person at one's side, it is still tricky to fall in love again after a certain age. The singleborse for young singles over 60 received top marks in the test report*. To give up, you are still much too young and if you are looking for love, you will find it in the end.